One of the most difficult things in life is knowing how to handle the break-up of a close relationship. This is true no matter your gender. But if you’re a man, accessing help can feel particularly difficult.
Intimate conversations with male friends are not a regular part of life for many men so engaging in ‘talking therapy’ can feel alien. You realise you need help, but you put it off, telling yourself you’d prefer clear guidance towards a solution, not conversations with a stranger about your emotions.
And yet the questions are still there. And the longer they persist the more they can seem insoluble. How do you deal with the fracture of divorce? Can you salvage a co-parenting relationship so as to help your children thrive? How do you get rid of the dark feelings?
Some of the things you’d maybe have to talk about with a counsellor wouldn’t fit with the traditional descriptors of resilient manhood. Being mistreated, for instance. Verbal insults can rain down on an unhappy partner no matter what their gender. Physical abuse can happen too, though you maybe haven’t shared that embarrassing fact with anyone.
And what about a new relationship? Are you dogged down by dread that a relationship would ‘fail’ all over again. How would a new partner cope with your stress? Your sleepless nights, your inability to concentrate or your questionable drinking? Or the fact that sometimes you feel like life isn’t worth the effort anymore?
If you feel sceptical, you could at least try contacting a male counsellor. You could explore the situation together and see if there is a possible path to a better future. And as for finding the privacy to talk, I’ve had several clients who’ve spoken to me from their car or out walking in the park.
There’s always a way.
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Email: info@ptorr.com